


Pictures of You

by Mrs_HotEvilLawyer



Series: Loving You [1]
Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, mention of sexual themes, sex scenes though not explicit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 16:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_HotEvilLawyer/pseuds/Mrs_HotEvilLawyer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I started this story a few months ago but originally only posted it on another site... but i decided to try and post more of my stuff here as well. It is a birthday gift for the amazing Sabrina (aka) aliciawillromance where i give her a new chapter every month the 16th where she had her bday originally. </p>
<p>"Happy Birthday Sabrina ;-) Prequel Every Road Leads Back To You! Explaination all inside 333! Pretty much just Alicia/Will sweetness/cuteness!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. December: The first sound of a newborn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliciawillromance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliciawillromance/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Sabrina! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me and how happy I am to have you in my life? I don't know if you do... but I am and I do. I know this will make you smile and you will love it, because I know you. Also instead of giving you one gift at your birthday you will get at least 12 gifts through the year. ;-) I wish you all the best in your next year, may it be an amazing one!
> 
> Okay this story is the prequel to Every Road Leads Back To You. It is mostly a collection of shorter moments through the first years of Catherine Amy Cavanaugh-Loy's life, from when she was born and until the beginning of Every Road Leads Back To You. However what is important to notice is that where that one is an Alicia/Will/Peter fic , this one is ONLY Alicia/Will. As I mentioned above there will be a chapter at least every 16th of the month, if I get special ideas there "might" be added another but it is meant to give Sabrina a special gift every month through her next year.
> 
> You can read these stand alone moments and enjoy them even if you are not reading ERLBTY as this is just mostly cute moments though the years. And you can just read the summary I will give now and it should explain it all well enough.
> 
> "Summery of Every Road:
> 
> Instead of leaving L&G at the end of season 4 Alicia ended things with Peter on election night, after kissing Will. She chose herself, telling Will she needed time while separating again and going though the divorce with Peter. She and Peter divorced rather friendly; however on the day they signed the divorce papers they did so at her place, and they ended up having sex one last time on top of the newly signed papers. Three months later Alicia kept feeling ill, thinking it was the flu so she went to the doctor, who told her she was pregnant. She had not learned about it earlier because she kept denying all signs, thinking it couldn't be true, and that she was just stressed out with work. The only possible father was Peter as she still hadn't been dating anyone. However she was scared and didn't want to get dragged back into her marriage. She knew if she told Peter he would want to be there, he would be involved and she had finally moved on and she was starting to think she could be with Will. And how could it all work with a new born? Especially because Peter was by then Governor and would maybe even be President in the future and that was something Alicia felt was his true calling in life. However if he learned she was pregnant with his child, he would want her to come to Springfield, which she wouldn't do... want her to give up her life and moving there...and if she told him no, he would give up the Governorship and move back to Chicago to help her out...
> 
> She knew she couldn't let him do that because he would resent her and their child at some point if he did...She knew it would end there, she had been there before... giving up her dreams because of him and her kids and for the last years before everything went down she wasn't happy either and she knew Peter would feel the same if he gave up on his dream and destiny because of their baby.
> 
> She knew she couldn't risk Peter resenting her or the innocent life of their child, so she never told him. To Zach and Grace she told that she had gotten pregnant from a bad judgment call aka a one nights stand, right after the divorce, and she didn't know who the father was. And that they had to keep it a secret, that no one could know because if this got out, that she had a drunken one night stand and ended up pregnant so soon after the divorce it would be very harmful to Peter's career. So they couldn't tell anyone of this... not even him... as he would feel a need to help out and that would hurt his career, too.
> 
> She later on told Will she was pregnant and he was supportive and helped her out a lot, he was also the one that came up with the idea of how to hide it form the others and got her the needed maternity leave. His idea was to have declared her in need of leave for months because of stress. Something they did from the end of the 6th month.
> 
> She also told her mother, who was surprisingly supportive after considering it.
> 
> The only other person that knows is Owen.
> 
> Okay that is all that is needed to know to read and enjoy these moments. It is also important to know that i am going to try to stick to the a flowing time line. and that these are still just cute, and sweet and maybe some times a little sexy one shots about the life of Alicia, Will and Catherine, also known, in Every Road Leads Back to You, as Cat. Moments that take place in the first four and a half years of Cat's life."
> 
> I don't own the good wife or the song pictures of you.

**Pictures Of You**

_This is the clock upon the wall_  
This is the story of us all  
This is the first sound of a newborn child,  
Before he starts to crawl  
This is the war that's never won  
This is a soldier and his gun  
This is the mother waiting by the phone,  
Praying for her son 

_Pictures of you, pictures of me_  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be 

**The first sound of a newborn child**

Will was pacing back and forward on the gray linoleum floor, every time a door opened he looked up. And every time he let out a heavy sigh when he realized it was not related to him.

_It shouldn't take this long should it?_

Of course he knew that Alicia being rushed into an emergency c-section 32 weeks pregnant was not a good thing. But, still, it shouldn't take this long should it? The more time passed the more nervous he got, he feared for her life and her baby's life. He knew that if something happened to the baby Alicia would never forgive herself, she would never get over it.

He heard another door being opened and looked over once again and once more he felt a stab in the heart when he realized it was yet again not for him.

"Here, you look like you need it..."

Grace said beside him making him spin back around. She held up a cup of coffee which he gratefully took, with a smile and nod, trying to give the young girl a brave smile, hoping to push away some of the worry she would have to be facing, since it was after all her mother and baby sibling that were in surgery right now, maybe fighting for their lives. He took a sip of the coffee, and cringed because of the taste, hospital coffee seemed to be of the same standard as their food.

His gaze followed Grace as she moved over to sit down on a blue plush chair, once more pulling her legs up and resting her chin at them, she looked a lot younger than the soon-to-be 18 year-old teenager. He let out a deep sigh, he should be trying to comfort her but right now he didn't know what to say to her. What could he really tell her when he was pacing and panicking himself, getting more and more scared every minute that passed. You could, after all, only tell yourself no news is good news so many times before the words became hollow and empty.

It felt like the time was passing in slow motion, it had really not been as long as it seemed since this whole thing started, not even 6 hours since he had gotten the call form a nervous Grace, asking him if he could get to the hospital because she had just driven her mother there.

He had been out of the door in under five minutes and at the hospital soon after, where an annoyed Alicia had insisted he shouldn't have showed up, that it was unnecessary. She was fine and had only gone in there to be sure because she had an uneasy feeling.

Grace had pulled him aside and told him it hadn't been just an uneasy feeling but a panic attack, that she was sure something was wrong, and was only taking it calmly now because she had been checked out and they had told her everything seemed to be fine, they just would like to keep her over- night because the baby's heart rate was a little on the lower side and Alicia's blood-pressure on the higher end, and she had light signs of uterine infection. They were all things that would probably not be a problem, but added together they preferred to have her stay for observation.

Will hadn't liked the sound of that and had insisted on staying though she had kept arguing that it was unnecessary.

Grace had stayed, too, sleeping on a couch close by a nurse had found for her. Will had called Veronica and told her what had happened, calming her down and promising if anything changed, he'd call her again.

Something he had to do only a few hours later when Alicia woke up in pain, crying and scared her waters had broken, nurses and doctors rushing in. He hadn't understood anything really of what was going on other than it was bad and they needed to do an emergency c-section, that the child needed to come out now.

They had rushed her out of the room and Will had hugged a crying and scared Grace, asking him if her mother and the baby would be okay, an answer he hadn't known back then but said he was sure they would. An answer he grew more and more unsure of being true each second there passed. He had later on called Veronica and told her what had happened. It was almost impossible not to make her rush there as well, but finally he made her agree not to come before the morning, and instead call Zach and tell him what happened.

Will had never been more grateful for Zach's somewhat acceptance of him than he was now, if not for him Grace wouldn't have called him in the first place.

Shortly after learning Alicia was pregnant he had been over to her place for dinner, Zach was home from college for the weekend, and it was the first time he met the two teenagers for real. And though he was clearly anything but their favorite person, they still seemed somewhat accepting.

As he was leaving, Zach had asked if he could follow him down, and Will had accepted, realizing the kid wanted to talk with him about something. Down on the street Zach had looked worried and younger than through the whole dinner, asking Will if he promise to look after Alicia, now she was alone and pregnant and he was the only one beside Grace, Veronica and himself that knew, and Zach worried something would happen with her or the baby and she would be alone. Will had promised he would do whatever he could to help her and look after her, calming Zach a bit.

The second shock regarding Alicia's kids had come a week later where a nervous Grace showed up in his office, asking him pretty much the same, saying she knew Zach had talked with him, and if he held back because of her he shouldn't. Will had quickly realized that both kids at that point suspected that he might be the father to the child, none of them knowing the full story. He had made sure to explain that part to Grace but also promised her he would help in any way he could and Alicia would allow him to, calming Grace a little. In the end they had made a deal that she could and should call him day or night whenever she thought something was wrong, or she worried about something regarding Alicia.

She hadn't used it many times, and that night it was the first time where it was really serious.

Nevertheless, the deal he had made with both kids back then had made the last few months easier, when Alicia went on leave he had still dropped by regularly, becoming more and more accepted by Grace, something he had laughed to himself about more than once; if Alicia had allowed them the chance to get to know him sooner it maybe wouldn't have been her children that were the issue between them. But you couldn't change the past, only learn from it, and that was what he was doing in these hours.

He loved Alicia, he had never doubted that, and he now got along with her older kids, so he could learn to care for her baby too, he knew he could. He regretted not being more persistent in his offer in taking her to birthing class and help her with that but she had stood her ground there. Veronica had been the one to take her to those. However, he had been the first one other than herself to feel the baby's kick, something that had also made him feel strangely warm watching the same emotions in her eyes: The beaming light and glimmering mist of happiness in her eyes had made his heart skip a beat and given him a deep desire to kiss her, something he hadn't done back then, but he wouldn't let the chance pass by again.

He would kiss her and tell her how he felt when she woke from the anesthetic, because she would wake up, he was sure she would wake up.

Sure this wasn't ideal and he was still confused on what he felt towards the fact that it was Peter's baby but he loved Alicia, and the thoughts and fear that ran though him right now of how he might never get to tell her just that. That scared him, no, it terrified him, so he would tell her once and for all when all of this was over. He wouldn't let another chance pass him by.

"Family for Alicia Cavanaugh?"

A female voice behind him said, making him spin around, and Grace get up from her chair and move over to him.

"Is she okay?" Will asked nervously, and the nurse gave him a kind smile.

"She will be fine, they are finishing up taking her to a room now, but I came to ask if you wanted to see your daughter sir?"

Will let out a heavy sigh of relief, hearing the news of Alicia.

"It's a girl?"

Grace asked nervously, he could hear she was relieved and happy, too.

"Yes it is, would you like to see her?"

Grace looked up at him and he nodded, he knew they should go see her before going to Alicia, because if Alicia woke the first thing she would want to know would be if her baby was ok. The nurse smiled at them and guided them a floor up to the NICU.

They were told they had to disinfect their hands and put on scrubs before they were allowed in, one at the time. He had offered Grace that she should go in first, it was after all her baby sister, but she argued against him and said he should, and she wanted to call both Zach and Veronica, and she wanted to talk with her grandmother.

So in the end Will had nervously gone in there and over to where the little girl was in the incubator, reading what it said on the side, 3 lbs. 9,5 ozs, 18 inches girl-Cavanaugh, born the 12/16. He looked at the little girl through glass, she was so tiny, but at the same time the sight of her made his heart skip a beat, he had never before found babies particularly beautiful or pretty, nevertheless that was exactly the word he would use to describe Alicia's newborn, beautiful.

"You are allowed to touch her, she is with relatively good health, just make sure to not touch the tube, it is for air, though she only needs it to help, her lungs are not bad for a 32 weeks preemie, and otherwise she is fine. We expect your wife might even be able to nurse her then she wakes up, though she will still need tube feeding too."

A nurse told him, and Will nodded nervously.

"What if I hurt her, she is so tiny?" He asked and looked up at the smiling nurse.

"You won't, just be careful, and touch her hand."

She answered him with a smile, and he nodded and carefully moved his hand inside the incubator, stroking the tiny hand, something that made the little being jerk a bit. Shocked and scared he pulled his hand away, fearing he had hurt her.

"Is she okay?"

He asked and looked back up at the nurse whose smile had widened a bit, and she nodded.

"She is excellent, that is how preemies move sometimes, don't worry."

He looked worried but nodded and carefully stroked her hand softly again, resting his little finger in it, and that was when he felt it, the tiny grip of her hand or at least a try to grasp his finger, at the same time as the little girl made a soft sound, a mix between a soft whimper and crying, the tube making it harder for her. Will felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of the little girl's whimper.

"She knows who her daddy is."

The nurse told him gently.

"Have you and your wife decided on a name yet?"

Will didn't listen to what she said, he was too focused on the tiny human in front of him. He had thought it could be difficult to love Peter Florrick's baby, the baby that once more was a blocker for his and Alicia's relationship. Looking at her now he knew he already loved her, if for nothing else because she was partly Alicia. She was so little, tiny and innocent, how could he not love her? That was the harder question.

He looked up again at the nurse when he realized she had said something, hoping she would repeat it.

"I just asked if you had settled on a name before hand?"

She asked him and he smiled, he might not have been a part of everything regarding the baby but he did know about the name. Alicia had long ago picked out a name for both a girl and a boy depending of what gender it would be, something she hadn't wanted to know beforehand.

"Catherine... Catherine Amy."

He answered, smiling as he said it, remembering that Alicia had spent some of her leave reading old classics and it was after reading Wuthering Heights she settled on the name Catherine. He had jokingly asked if she would name a boy Heathcliff then, making them both laugh, but she had admitted her paternal grandmother's name had also been Catherine, and she liked the name, and had always done. Amy she had chosen because of the meaning, especially the meaning of the two names together "Pure Love!"

"Her name is Catherine Amy"

He repeated once more to himself as he looked down on the little girl again, carefully stroking her hand.

No, loving her wouldn't be the issue here, he feared not loving the little girl would be far harder.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She fluttered her eyes, the bright light around her was strong and irritating, and she didn't really want to open them, that was until someone seemed to turn off the light darkening her surroundings.

"It's okay I closed the blinds."

Will's gentle voice told her close by coaching her into carefully try to open her eyes once more, finally able to do so without getting blinded by the sharp sunlight. She was disorientated the first few minutes, taking in the hospital room, her mother standing at the end of her bed and Will standing beside her, his eyes filled with worry and care. It took her a few seconds to realize why she was in the hospital and why they were both there, but the moment she did she gasped out loud, making herself cough. Will's hands were immediately on her trying to sooth her, and calm her down. As she caught her breath again she looked up at him, her heart clenching of the fear passing through her already, a fear for the innocent life she had carried, a life she loved more than anything else.

"Will? My baby? Is my baby alright?"

She whispered, her voice laced with the fear creeping up in her like the coldest night, however his warm gentle smile made her a little more at ease as soon as she saw it. He wouldn't be smiling or beaming at her like that if her baby wasn't alright _would he?_ No he wouldn't, she knew he wouldn't.

"She is perfect..."

He smiled at her, filling her heart with joy and pushing away the dread that had tried to take over her soul. _She was alright! She?_

"It's a girl? I had a daughter?" She whispered as tears started to fill her eyes, but she kept on looking at Will taking in how he smiled and nodded.

"you do... she is beautiful..."

He smiled gently as he sat down in the chair besides her bed. She looked over to where her mother had been earlier only to notice she had left, at an other time she would have wondered where and why, and maybe even have been angry or hurt but right in this moment she couldn't care less.

"You had an emergency c-section Alicia, your water broke... I am not sure how much you can remember..."

Will started to say, and she furrowed her eyebrows. She could remember having gone to the hospital and Will show ing up. And as she tried to remember, memories of waking up in a stabbing pain feeling drenched, and knowing her water had broken, panicking because it was too early, her baby couldn't come yet. She couldn't remember anything else other than being told they needed to take the baby out right away.

"Her heart-beat was a little too low so they had to take right away, plus they admitted that you already seemed to be too far to stop the labor or delay it, and since you were this far along they did the c-section, figuring it was the best for both you and Catherine."

He told her tenderly, making her raise an eyebrow at the last sentence.

"Catherine?"

She asked him with a soft smile, the fact that he remembered the name she had chosen long ago, warmed her heart.

"Yes wasn't that what you had planned to name her? Catherine Amy? It was what I told the nurse down there... but I am sure... we... you can change it if you want to..."

He stuttered nervously, making her smile widen a little it really was sweet how he had remembered and already taken care of naming her daughter that.

"No Will it was what I wanted to call her, if it was a girl... I just... I am just surprised you remember..."

She admitted gently, while wondering why he remembered, how he could remember such a thing.

"Of course I do... of course I remember!"

He stated, his eyes sparkling a little making her heart skip a beat while it filled her with warmth, at another time she would perhaps have stopped to consider what that might mean and why it might be, but right now she couldn't really care about that. All she wanted right now was to hear about her daughter.

"And she is alright? The low heart-rate? Is her heart alright?"

She asked nervously, and scared, worrying over her baby girl already.

"She is perfect, her heart is fine now. She is a fighter and a force to be reckoned with... she is small and tiny because she was born early and she is a little underweight, but Alicia she is perfect. She can even mostly breath on her own. She is a true miracle. Your mother says she looks exactly like you as a newborn."

He paused for a few seconds and she was about to say something then he continued:

"She is the most beautiful new born I have ever seen..."

A comment that brought tears to Alicia's eyes, both because of the words, and because of the weird overwhelming wave of emotions she felt wash her with those words.

"She is?"

Was all she could manage to say and he nodded his head smiling softly at her.

"Yes she is!" He said again.

"Who is with her? Is she alone? Can I see her?"

Alicia asked as she felt scared and sad once more fearing her little daughter, who might be alone right now, and that because of how all of this had happened would be alone a lot.

"Don't worry... she is not alone, Grace is down there looking after her right now... and it has after all only been a few hours... why don't you rest a bit while I go and check if there are any chance you can see her... it might be possible... as they did mention thinking you could nurse her then you woke up."

He explained to her just as her mother came back in.

"That sounds like a good plan … I can stay here with Alicia meanwhile."

Veronica offered, and Alicia looked over at her mother, a part of her didn't really want Will to leave her side, but she also really wanted to see her daughter, so she nodded softly.

"Thank you that would be amazing."

She smiled up at him, and took in a weird wave of emotions that passed through his gaze, some of those that scared her, and made her heart-rate spike, something that the monitor showed too, as it started to sound a little faster and louder, in a few minutes if she didn't calm down a nurse would probably be rushing in. It also made her feel an intense warmth build up in her stomach and chest, making her feel flushed, and she was pretty sure she was blushing. Unable to look into those emotions anymore she broke eye-contact and looked down. His gaze didn't move of her for another minute, so she nervously glanced up at him again through her thick dark eyelashes. His eyes still held those intense emotions that made her blush further, until he finally looked away and moved away from the bed saying he would be right back.

She didn't look back up before her mother sat down beside her instead.

"You don't have to worry. If Will wasn't in here while you slept he was in the NICU with Catherine."

Her mother told her, making Alicia's heart skip another beat.

"He was?"

She whispered, a bit surprised by the sound of that, she had expected he would see her daughter and that she had gotten confirmed but that he actually spent time down there, that he had been doing that a lot, now that surprised her. Well surprised and pleased her at the same time.

"Yes he was. He was the first one to see her of us all."

Veronica told her, making Alicia blush again.

"Really?"

She asked unable to formulate any coherent thought. All of those spinning through her head were ones she was not yet ready to voice. Was it possible her and Will could actually work as a couple now? even though she just had another man's child.

She had given up on the idea of them together then she decided to have Peter's child once more, because even if she kept it hidden and Will was one of the only few that knew. It also made for an impossible situation. She shook her head, it still made for complicated and impossible and she couldn't focus on it right now. Right now all the focus she had should go to her baby girl. And yet there were a strange fluttering in her stomach at the thought of Will actually spending time with Catherine that wouldn't go away.

A feeling strangely resembling love.


	2. January: all that lies between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confess to me, all that lies between us  
> All that lies between you and me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go chapter 2 of this... hope you enjoy it my dear beloved Sabrina. You are still the best thing that has happened to me ever. And I still love you to pieces... I love being in your AW family again, I love sharing it with you again. And I will never get tired of telling you how much I love having you back in my life and having you every day again.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the Good Wife! Does that really surprise anyone?

_Confess to me, all that lies between us  
All that lies between you and me_

**All That Lies Between You And Me**

He had been studying her longer than he imagined, as she nuzzled around packing things up, brushing a lock of hair back behind her ear that was persistent in falling forward and into her face, teasing and annoying her soft cheek. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on, there was no doubt about that, if it was now or twenty years ago when the same lock of hair kept annoying her as she studied the law of obligation, persistent in understanding it completely. He could never get enough of looking at her whatever she was dressed up like - the amazing lawyer she was or like now casually dressed, no make-up and her hair in a loose bun trying to hold it back a little.

He could see the hints of black lines under her eyes, not that it was surprising. He knew fully well she hadn't gotten enough sleep in the last month, ever since giving birth to her daughter. He would be lying if he said he had gotten enough sleep during that time, he had tried to be there at the hospital just as much as he could, between work and checking up on her when she was at home, and he might very well have gotten even less sleep than her. After all the first days while she still stayed at the hospital before getting sent home, he had to divided the time there between her and her little girl. That had meant more than one sleepless night or one with only a couple of hours of sleep. However he didn't regret a second of it, he wouldn't have had it any other way. For him there had been no choice of that matter.

The choice had been so clear that he had never hated anything more than when he took her home after she was released and he couldn't push off going back to work any longer. He knew he had already pushed it off too long and Diane had started to question why, and she hadn't been the only one. Kalinda had kept him updated on that front. Alicia had also more than once at that point told him he should go back into work, but he had excused himself with that it was Christmas time and he hadn't taken time off for the holiday in the last many years, he was allowed one year. But as the 27th rolled around, 1 1/2 week after Alicia had given birth, Alicia was now at home with her older kids on school holiday until after new year. So they were able to drive her to and from the hospital until she could once again drive on her own after having the C-section, so he no longer had an excuse to push it back any longer.

He couldn't remember a point other than when he was seeing Alicia during their steamy liaison where he wanted to quit the law to be free to do whatever he wanted (back there it had been to spend time with her), and it had been the same now. He wanted to quit it all so he could spent all his time with her and her baby girl. The little girl he had grown to love more and more every day.

He had until now never been able to understand completely what people that had kids meant, when they said it became all about what the child wanted or needed. He hadn't ever really been able to mentally understand how Alicia could let her children's wants and needs weight in so much that she could decide everything based on not hurting them, however the day Catherine Amy was born he understood it, and for each day he understood it better. He couldn't imagine anything he wouldn't do for the little girl. He had more than once wished she was really his, and there were no complications, but he had quickly understood it didn't matter. He doubted he could love her anymore if she was his in blood and not just bond. Because the little girl had his heart completely, and that wasn't about blood at all.

He hadn't ever imagined he could love a child of Peter jackass Florrick's as much as he did, but it was the truth. He had also started to care more about Alicia's other children through the Christmas he had been allowed to spent with the family. Truth be told he had never imagined Christmas as a grown up could be as amazing as this one had been, it had surprised him. He had enjoyed the family time, the warmth, the happiness, even the time divided between the hospital and Alicia's apartment. It had all been a part of making it perfect.

Now here he was a month later, and Alicia finally able to bring her daughter home. She had insisted that he didn't drop work today to help her, that she could handle it herself now she could drive again. He had tried to argue with her but she had made it clear she could handle it herself.

Yet here he was, he had been unable to stay away. And the situation had its perks, that he saw now. Because she didn't know he was here now he had time to enjoy the view of her. Enjoy studying her like he was, and he loved to be able to do that. Though it also made his heart ache.

He had still to talk to her about them, letting her know he wanted her, with children and all. That he dreamed about her every night, that he loved her more and more every day that passed. That he couldn't imagine his life without her in it, that all he ever wanted was her. All what he had promised himself he would tell her a month ago while she was still in surgery. He knew he should tell her but there had never seemed to be a good time for it so far, after all it wasn't just something to be blurted out. He sighed, he guessed it was all still put back to the shitty timing they seemed to have, actually shitty timing didn't cover it anymore. It was like they had no timing at all.

He had once told her to hell with bad timing they would talk, back then they had a talk where she told him she needed to be alone for a while. That she was going to divorce Peter, but she needed to sort her life out before anything else. Now however he seemed unable to finally get another talk with her, one where he told her timing didn't matter anymore he would do it all for her, screw timing they just had to make the timing theirs. He didn't know why it was so hard, but he had a feeling a lot of it came back to fear. A fear of rejection by her. What if she said no? What if she didn't want it? What if she didn't return his feelings? Most of the time he felt like she might very well feel like he did, but there were other times where he had no idea if she really could be feeling like that for him.

He didn't get any longer to dwell on it or study her, as she looked up meeting his gaze, like she realized she was being studied. He smiled hesitatingly at her and got one in return. Her eyes shining at him, and this was one of those moments he had no doubt she shared his feelings, and would return them if he told her how much he was in headless endless love with her. His heart's truest desire.

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Alicia had known he had come the moment he walked down the hallway, and she had been a little surprised that he hadn't made himself known as soon as he came, but instead just stood there outside the NIUC. She had considered approaching him, but had quickly decided against it and instead enjoyed the warmth that filled her knowing he was standing there because he wanted to be there for her, that he was observing her with that soft warm and tender gaze of his. His eyes caressed her skin hair and soul, making her heart beat faster and her stomach flutter in thousands of butterflies. She was enjoying soaking in his gaze, and she knew the moment he knew she had noticed his presences he would stop it. So she had let it go on, enjoying every moment of it, and only looked up at him when she was almost done packing everything.

Now they were in the car on their way home to her apartment, in her car, the bigger of them. She would need to either drive him back to the hospital or ask Veronica or Grace to do so later, to get his own car again, even though he would probably not hear of it, she would make sure he didn't have to take a cab or the EL. Not when he had been so sweet to come to help her take Catherine home even though she said he shouldn't. However it had been a great help having him there, helping her carry some of all the things they needed to get down to the car, helping her by driving now so she could keep looking over at the back seat checking if her little girl was still alright. She knew Will was stealing glances at her again now, and she would be lying if she said she hadn't stolen a few of him herself.

As they had packed up all of Cat's things and carried them down to the car there had been a moment where she had thought he wanted to kiss her, but the kiss had never happened instead he had looked so confused and nervous after almost like he had gotten burnt. Something that confused her a lot. Over the last month there had been more than one of these moments, where she thought they were close to kissing but it didn't happen. And that confused her. It wasn't like she didn't want it, she actually did quite a lot, actually it seemed she wanted it more with every moment they spent together.

Her glance fell on the bracelet she had on. One he had given her the day after she had Cat. It was a charm bracelet, and the charms in it were some of the most thoughtful ones she had ever seen. One of them was a small silver heart, with "best Mom" written on it and a small golden flower with a tiny diamond in the middle attached to it. Another was a little silver stroller, and there was a tiny of pink boots and at last there were three small pearls and one bigger pearl.

She hadn't at first understood the meaning of those and looked at him for an explanation, one she hadn't gotten as he had just shrugged his shoulders and smiled at her. It was only until days later she had realized that Will knew she adored pearls and preferred them many times over diamonds. It wasn't actually until he gave her a gorgeous pair of pearl and diamond drop earrings for Christmas that she realized the true meaning of the pearls in her bracelet. That he had meant the three smaller ones to symbolize her now three children and the slightly bigger one to be herself. The thoughtfulness had made her tear up when he gave her the gift, and again as she realized the depth of his thoughtfulness. Both of those moments were ones where she had looked at him and his eyes and showed how he longed to kiss her and they had started to lean in, and both times the kiss hadn't happened.

Of course things were complicated right now, they were messy and confusing. And it was certainly harder now that she had Cat, a baby daughter that would need all her attention and love. It was a complication she hadn't thought she could ask Will to take on, her baby with another man. And yet for each day that passed she realized Will seemed to have taken it on all the same, having stepped up even without her asking him to. She had seen how he was with Cat by now, how much he cared for her, how gentle, loving and careful he was with her. Something that never ceased to warm her heart. And that convinced her they could probably make it work if they wanted, even with her baby daughter a part of her life now.

Right now as he took her home with her daughter for the first time it almost felt like they were a family and there was nothing complicated lying between them and causing them to not be together.

As they got to her apartment she took Cat while he carried some of the other things up, running down for the rest as she settled Cat in. She had just heard the front door close behind him as he went down for the last bag of things, as Cat woke, whimpering softly, whimpers that soon turned into cries, as Alicia rushed to her baby's cot, lifting her daughter up and into her arms cuddling her tightly against her chest. The movements Cat made soon letting her know her daughter was hungry, not that it should surprise her. It was hours since she had nursed her last. She carefully settled into the rocking chair she had gotten for Cat's nursery for exactly that purpose. She arranged her shirt and bra and Cat in a soft blanket as she settled her daughter in, starting to feed her, rocking slowly back and forward.

She stroked the light curls that had started to form on her daughter's head. Curls that were still so small, light and soft. It had been years more than a decade and a half since she had last had to deal with this. Last had to nurse her child, last had to deal with sleepless nights due to a baby that needed her constant presence there. Back then she had left her work to give her children that constant presence, she wouldn't be doing that this time, she couldn't, no matter the desire she felt right now to do just that to be there for her little girl.

She couldn't go back to the person she had been back then and the woman she was today would regret giving up the law once more. She had already been away from it for months now, to first keep her pregnancy hidden and then now a month after to take care of her baby. She knew it wouldn't be long before she went back in, especially now Cat was home from the hospital and doing as well as she was.

The thought of leaving her daughter through the day made her heart ache already. She wouldn't leave her until she found a reliable nanny for her, one she felt she could trust her baby with and not fear for her well-being. Her mother had already offered to help her out, and she had considered it and had settled on that she would ask her to be there a couple of days through the week together with the nanny, but she would need a full-time nanny, one she could also call in case she had to go back to work late or something similar.

She had been speculating about what to do for weeks now, and concluded it was needed, though it wouldn't be easy to find one she trusted and one she actually trusted not to leak anything to the press. She raised her worries to Will a few days ago, and he had seen her issue and said he would think of something. If it had been any other situation she would have been able to take her baby to the daycare in the same building as Lockhart and Gardner, the one most employees that had children used. But that one was way too risky. In the end Will had yesterday told her he had one he wanted her to meet.

It turned out his cousin, a woman in her late 30is, were a stay at home mom with a 5 year old and a 2 years old. She was a trained pediatrician, until she had quit to take care of her own children. Alicia had immediately liked her, and for the first time in years she had actually felt like she had found another female friend, one she could talk with and who she could trust, not counting Kalinda, because that was different, she would never be able to talk child care with Kalinda or similar things. But here she had found one she could talk about those things with, even with the age difference. And when Rachel offered to be the nanny for Cat, Alicia had accepted. Will's trust in his cousin had helped, along with how comfortable Alicia had already felt with the other woman. She trusted she wouldn't leak anything to the press, and that she would be able to care for her daughter along with her own children at the same time, plus it would be even better that her daughter was watched over by one with kids herself and kids her baby girl would be interacting with. Alicia knew her daughter's life would be isolated enough as it was, this would make it a little less isolated until she could get her in a childcare institution in a few years.

So that was what they had settled on: Rachel would be taking Cat when Alicia went back to work soon. Until she went back one day each week she would come over with Cat to Rachel so Cat could get used to the other woman and her kids, and Alicia could get a few hours to herself. The first time of this would be in a few days. Alicia had hesitated at first but she could see the point in it. Even though she had a strong feeling of that she should make the best of this time off and spent every second of it with Cat. However it would make it easier if she still kept this up: As long as Cat was still in the hospital and after Alicia had been sent home, she had been forced to get used to be a little separated from her new born if she now got used to having her all the time once again, going back to work would only be harder. Even though Rachel had been kind and smart enough to come up with the idea that when Alicia went back in she could take the three kids for a walk in a park nearby Lockhart and Gardner each day in the lunch break and Alicia if she was free could come and see them. An idea that had made Alicia's heart fill with joy and happiness. That would make the whole thing a little easier.

Rachel had also understood Alicia's working hours and said they wouldn't be a problem, and Alicia knew if they at some point would be she still had her mother who had really stepped up first the last few months of her pregnancy but also in this last month after she had given birth. Her mother had moved back to Chicago to help her, in an apartment not that far from Alicia's, and she had been a better help than Alicia could ever have imagined in the past.

"Oh I am sorry... I didn't know... I will go now... and let you..."

She was pulled from her thoughts by a blabbering Will that had walked back into the room and now stood like nailed to the floor trying to look everywhere but at her and her daughter. Not that she could blame him, so far there had been no episodes of her nursing Cat and him seeing it. She knew fully well it was a private moment, though many didn't treat it as that. She also knew Will would probably be finding it even more awkward because of her bared chest and their complicated relationship, not that he could see much with the way she held Cat. Yet she also realized she wouldn't mind that he stayed there. Something she wasn't comfortable with many people doing.

She had never been one that nursed in public or did it no matter who ever happened to be in the room. She had never really been comfortable with that, but she suddenly knew she didn't mind that Will was there at all, actually it only made her feel warmer that he was. She looked up at him with a soft smile and shook her head.

"Will you don't need to leave.."

She whispered, her voice soft and tender, a part of her actually wished to ask him to stay with her, but she couldn't go there yet. He might be uncomfortable with seeing her like this, it was after all not everybody found women nursing appealing. Jackie and been shocked the first time she found out that Peter sometimes stayed while Alicia nursed.

He looked nervous and scared to look at her, she wished she knew what else she could say to make him more relaxed with this.

"Are you sure? I mean..."

He started to say while glancing at her, his eyes nervous though tender and loving at the same time. She smiled at him gently.

"I know... It is okay... I don't mind."

She told him with a sweet smile playing on her lips.

He nodded a bit nervously and placed the last couple of bags he had brought up on the floor and took a seat in a soft arm chair she had also placed in the room. She glanced around in the room, it was painted in a soft light peach color. She hadn't managed to finish decorating or painting it when she went into the hospital a month ago, after all she had thought she still had weeks before she was in risk of giving birth. So the painting and decoration of the room had been Zach's and Grace's Christmas present to her when she returned home from the hospital a few days before Christmas. They had unpacked the furniture she had gotten for it and before she went into labor they had painted it, and put everything in order.

She knew Will had probably helped a lot more than the kids and him had admitted, and she hadn't pointed it out to him though she knew, because it seemed like they wished to keep it a secret among them. Still it touched her heart, and she was pretty sure she couldn't have found a better color and have done it better herself. She looked over at him and smiled as she found him smiling at her or maybe it was the picture of her and Cat, never the less she found him looking at them with a soft smile playing on his lips.

Their eyes locked and they kept sitting like that for a few seconds. Until she realized Cat was done with her lunch and had fallen back asleep. She shook her head lightly, looks like her baby had decided for herself whether she wanted to be burped or not. Alicia started to carefully move her around so she could redress and get up to place Cat in the bed. Harder said than done when she didn't want to wake her up.

"Here, do you want me to take her?"

Will stood up and stepped over to her, intending on helping her.

Alicia nodded gently.

"Thank you." She whispered softly.

He smiled at her and started to lean down and in so he could take sleeping Cat from her arms.

As he moved down and closer their heads managed to bump into each other making them both pull back a little, their gaze meeting and holding for a few seconds.

"I am sorry..."

He whispered, his face incredible close to hers, and she nodded softly as she unconsciously licked her lips.

"Alicia..."

He breathed out softly still not moving away, or taking Cat like planned. Instead his hand found its way to her hair, pushing a lock that had fallen in front of her face back behind her ear. She tilted her head a little against his hand and smiled over his movement, it was like he had known how much she was bothered by that lock of hair that never seemed to stay in place.

"Will.."

She breathed softly, her eyes never leaving his. Her stomach was fluttering and this was for sure one of those moments she expected him to kiss her, one of those that over the last month had ended with him pulling back and looking apologizing at her. She was pretty sure most of the other moments had been more fitting than her in her daughter's nursery, after having just fed her and the little girl sleeping in her arms. Yet as he leaned in and finally brushed his lips over hers in one of the softest and sweetest of kisses she had ever received, she couldn't have imagined a more perfect kiss. Her eyes fluttered close and she returned it just as softly and hesitatingly.

_The kiss she knew with everything in her was one of love._


	3. February: This Is the Story of Us All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the clock upon the wall  
> This is the story of us all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go my dear Sabby your monthly gift... hope you enjoy this one as much as the other months... I am so glad to have you in my life.
> 
> And a huge(!) thank you to steffi for betaing this thank you! also for the help I needed with the troubles of this chapter, the same goes for Jule thank you for the advices and talk, and Jodes for a bit of ass kicking to ge me writing...
> 
> I don't own The Good Wife

_This is the clock upon the wall  
This is the story of us all _

**February: This Is the Story of Us All**

Finding time for a date, a real one, where she allowed him to take her to dinner and wear a dress and heels were anything but easy when you had a newborn. A newborn you felt bad for leaving, even when you had a nanny you liked and trusted. Even when everyone said it was alright to have time for yourself. And even more when you also had a teenage daughter to check up on and to make sure she wouldn't felt left alone or pushed aside because of the newest addition to the family. So that meant that the last month ever since the kiss she had shared with Will in Catherine's nursery had been spent trying to navigate them as well as Catherine, something that hadn't gone too well as she really hadn't felt right in leaving her daughter for a night of going out.

So seeing Will had consisted in him coming over to her place. And romance wasn't easily handled when they were interrupted, at the worst of times by Catherine waking up and needing her. More than one kiss had been interrupted that way because the baby alarm had gone off and she had rushed to her daughter's side. She was actually surprised how well Will took it, how understanding he was being and how much he tried to help out. How he cooked for her and Grace more than once, how helped look after Cat if she had a shower or something and it wasn't at a time of the week or day where Rachel was taking care of her or Grace was out or had homework.

It had shocked her how much he willingly involved himself in their daily life even now when they were back home and he worked and she had a living and breathing baby to take care of. And most impressive was how he did it on instinct. Of course it was different now that they seemed to have started something again even though more unspoken than anything and mostly consisting of a few kisses and shared meals where she usually had to fight to keep awake. And more than once hadn't been able to remember finishing or how she went from the table to the couch.

Apparently now that she was home Cat had decided that it was better to turn day into night and night into day. And she hadn't slept a full night the last month. She also knew it was Will that had ended up carrying her to those more comfortable places and had more than once looked after Cat until she wouldn't just take comfort in his arms or her pacifier or being changed... another thing that had shocked her Will willingly helped her out with, not even mentioning it. All of these things were what had made her make sure that tonight at least should be made to be perfect for them, but especially for him.

She had Rachel looking after Cat a few days before while she went shopping for a dress. She hadn't really felt like her old prettier clothes fitted her well or looked good on her post pregnancy. Some of them, a lot actually she didn't even seem to fit into anymore but her maternity clothes were not exactly fitting anymore now, either. She had needed something she felt well in and thought made her look attractive, too. She also got matching underwear before she went to get a beauty treatment. She had made sure to make a dinner reservation ahead of time, knowing the day might create more trouble than good was if she didn't do that.

She had wanted to give them this, to give him this because with whatever they were starting again she knew he had longed for the freedom to actually go out like a normal couple, and that had not exactly been an option until now. The last month though had convinced her they could maybe really make this work, something she had given up hope on, but where the month while Cat was still in the hospital had given her hints of hope, this month had convinced her. How he took that kisses sometimes were ended before they were started, that candle light dinners were not the best of ideas when she ended up falling asleep over the pasta. How he wasn't assuming he was invited to stay through the night or if he did that it meant sex. She knew she couldn't have found a more loving and tender boyfriend or whatever she could call him now at this point.

He had been surprised but happy when she told him, though he had also insisted it wasn't necessary. Yet when he had showed up that night and taken in the sight of her in the sleek green dress that made her eyes stand out even more, and she saw the appreciation on his face she once more knew she had done the right thing. He had been amazing, showing up with a red rose for her and before leaving her apartment as she put on her jewelry, the pearls she had gotten from him and the bracelet, he shyly handed her another velvet box she nervously opened, only to find another charm for the bracelet. This one a silver locket heart with a tiny diamond on the front. He smiled at her and told her she could use it for a picture of Cat.

Alicia had turned to him, tears in her eyes and she kissed him softly as a thank you while she asked if it meant he was her valentine, something he had nodded at grinningly. Their tender moment might have been longer if her mother hadn't interrupted them, more or less pushing them out of the apartment. Making Alicia regret a little that she had gotten her mother to look after Catherine instead of Rachel, but it had been smarter as she had made sure her Mom was okay with staying the whole night and had it covered with everything there could possibly be needed except in emergencies.

And when she managed to kiss Will on the way down in the elevator she was pretty sure it was a smart move, not to risk the night getting interrupted, she owed him that, their first night actually spent together where she wasn't either walking with her daughter, singing every single nursery rhythm she had ever heard or dead asleep. This night deserved to be special. Even if it meant her daughter being bottle feed through the night and her mother babysitting.

Dinner was a perfect affair of friendly banter, flirting, stories of work, catching up and what else they could cover, as well as much hand holding across the table when they could get away with it. She was amazed with how words didn't need to be spoken between them, that Will's eyes told her all she needed to know most of the time. He didn't order for her and she was grateful that he knew her well enough to know she hated someone not letting her decide what she would like to eat herself. They didn't even get the same thing and it made her feel relieved, they were both comfortable enough with each other to let that up. The only issue came when they were to pay and he wouldn't let her even though as she said it was she that had invited him for dinner. However he wouldn't let her, insisted he would pay for the meal, his male pride getting in the way.  
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Dinner had been amazing, even perfect, he had been on cloud nine when she had first mentioned it to him, until he realized what it would mean to her regarding Catherine. He had tried to talk her out of it, also when he considered how it would feel to leave the little girl for what? Adult fun? Because they couldn't really make it work around a baby? And he didn't like that at all. He loved Catherine more and more each day that passed, and he loved seeing the softer side of Alicia, the side only her close family and children saw, he loved being able to see mother Alicia. He had never until now considered how huge a turn on that could be, but more so how it could make his heart burst with joy and love every time he witnessed it. Yet dinner had been agreed on as Alicia wasn't backing down. They were going to go for a real date night on Valentine's day. He had been a little surprised by her romantic choice of date, until she admitted it was so close to month after their kiss that had officially begun them again that she found it fitting.

As they got into the car after leaving the restaurant he drove them down to the pier. It was cold, freezing actually and he knew she might be cold but he also knew she loved the place. They strolled along the pier together, talking while moving closer for each step they took until he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, protecting her from the cold as they continued to slender along the water side. Her head finding a place against him, as she leaned into his body, accepting the warmth he was trying to offer her.

Their talking subsided while they walked, falling into comfortable silence, he didn't know many people he felt comfortable being with and not having to spent every moment talking like he did in Alicia's company. And it was amazing. Yet he worried, because he wasn't sure on what the next move should be, what he could expect or allow it to be. He knew it would be hard for her being away from Cat through the night, it had to be hard to be away right now. And he didn't expect more, having her in his arms like he did right now was amazing itself, and even if they waited longer he didn't mind it being at her place where they could go to Catherine should she need them.

They hadn't slept together yet since they started this up again and he wasn't about to assume anything. He knew women couldn't have sex many weeks after giving birth normally and he wasn't sure if it was the same with a c-section. And he hadn't wanted to ask. To assume any such thing, especially when Alicia was spending most of her time now with Cat on her arm sleeping or half sleeping. It would come, once it had been all he was allowed from her now it wasn't. And no matter how much he desired her and always had, being able to spent time with her and be allowed to care for her and have it welcomed, be allowed to stay for dinner, to hold her hand and to kiss her as he wanted, all of that was wonderful having the freedom to do.

That was why he was surprised when she stopped them and kissed him softly as she asked him to take her home, first he thought he meant back to her apartment, but she kissed him again mumbling against his lips to take her to his place.

He pulled back pressing their foreheads together while breathlessly asking if she was sure, that they could go to her place. They could go home to check on Cat, but she kissed him again and again, convincing him with her lips and hands and kisses that she was sure. On the right their hands were clasped between them, fingers laced together. And the moment they were inside the safety of his apartment they kissed, kisses that were less chaste than most of those they had recently been sharing. Their hands were pulling at clothes, leaving him in no doubt she needed this as much as he did. As he undressed her and took in the sight of her in a black silk under-dress, he teased her if they hadn't gone out of style many years ago, making her laugh in response as she let him pull it off her along with the rest of the black lace covering her milky white skin from his burning eyes. It wasn't until she was lying under him and he kissed down her collarbone placing soft kisses on both her tender breasts, larger than usually due to her newborn still nursing daughter. As he finally got to her abdomen she seemed to grow self conscious, hiding her body from his gaze with her hands, not letting him see her.

"Alicia what is wrong... do you want me to stop?" He reached up and kissed her lips gently, as she shook her head.

"No... please make love to me..." She whispered against his lips as he stole another kiss her breathless voice arousing him further.

"I am Alicia... but what is wrong, sweetheart?" he asked her again, still unsure why she had suddenly hidden herself from him, until he saw the small traces of tears glimmering in her eyes.

"Don't cry, please don't cry..." He whispered as he wiped them away.

She smiled softly up at him and nodded.

"It is just the scar... it is not very attractive..." Will wondered for a few seconds what she meant before realizing it was the one from having Cat. He looked at her with tender eyes.

"Not a single part of you is unattractive to me, Alicia, or have ever been... you are the most beautiful woman I ever met." He whispered and kissed her again, before moving carefully down again kissing between her breasts and making a hot path down to her stomach where he carefully removed her hands trying to hide the scar from his eyes. He gently placed a soft kiss on top of it letting his lips drift down over it touching it gently with his lips. Adoring the mark left as a reminder of Cat on her body like he adored every other inch of her body. He touched stroked and caressed her all over. Placing kisses on every part of her until she was whimpering and squirming in pleasure, and only then did he move back up and kissed her lips gently as he reached over and got a condom which he put on before covering her body and entering her gently making her sigh and arch up against him her arms finding their way around him and holding him close. Their movements were slow and unhurried like they had all the time in the world.  
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Alicia had studied him first as he drifted off to sleep. Her head resting on his chest as she cuddled into his warmth body, her head moving each time he breathed in and out. She had laid there until she drifted off to sleep as well, only to wake up later in the night in the same position - still cuddled up completely into him, his body heat keeping her warm. She had always loved sleeping like this with him, back in Georgetown or later for their 8 months of passion. She studied his face, something she always found fascinating, how his worries over job and life seemed to disappear with sleep and how he seemed to always sleep with a small smile on his lips, making her wonder if it was her that made him smile or if it was just how he was. She wanted to kiss him but at the same time she didn't want to wake him up.

She carefully slipped out of his embrace, missing the warmth right away. She made sure to not make a sound as she slipped through the bedroom finding the silk slip she had on earlier and slipping it on along with his shirt as she couldn't seem to find a robe of his. She sneaked over to the balcony door and carefully opened it and stepped outside, shuddering because of the contrast from the warm bedroom and Will's body heat to the freezing February air outside. Still she stepped outside, knowing it wouldn't be long as it was too cold, but still the air was fresh and breathing it in felt good along with chilling. She had been smart enough to find a pair of Will's socks first before stepping outside which was good. It made sure her feet didn't become ice-cubes like her legs. Yet she was stubborn and didn't want to go back inside just yet. She had always liked his balcony from the first time she spent a night in his apartment to now. It had the most amazing view and she loved it. She knew if she ever moved she wanted to make sure her next place had a balcony, too. It had been one of the things she missed form the house in Highland Park where they did have one not from the master's bedroom but still there was a balcony. She admired the lights of the city as she stood there shuddering lightly from the cold.  
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Alicia was not sure how long she had been standing there, when she felt a pair of arms being wrapped around her from behind and someone placing a soft kiss on her shoulder before resting his head upon hers. She leaned back against his soft body which was now wrapped around her.

"I missed you." He mumbled into her hair. "The bed was cold without you..." Something that made her laugh softly.

"I am sorry, I woke up and couldn't sleep," she admitted.

"You miss Cat, right? Not able to sleep away from her?" He asked her gently and Alicia nodded, because that was exactly what had made sleep impossible. Missing her daughter.

"We shouldn't have asked your mother to take her tonight. We could just have gone to your place. I wouldn't have minded." Will told her while placing soft kisses on her throat.

"Yeah, but it was our first real date so I didn't want us to worry about her or getting interrupted." Alicia admitted.

"How many times do I have to tell you I do not mind, I like having her around and spending time with her." He smiled against her skin, making Alicia laugh.

"You know I love her right?" Will asked and Alicia nodded, she did know that. "Just like I love her mother." Alicia stiffened, and turned around in his arms so she could look up at him. She smiled at him, her stomach filled with butterflies, basking in nervous excitement. Of course she had known he loved her for a long time, but he had never before really told her so directly.

"You do?" She asked, giving him a soft teasing smile.

"I do... I love you Alicia... I am in love with you and I am pretty sure I have been in love with you ever since Georgetown," he told her as he looked into her eyes and lifted a hand to gently caress her cheek.

"I love you too..." She whispered softly, enjoying the bright smile that grew on his face, at the sound of her words. "And I love you even more for also loving my children... I know how difficult it must be..." She started, but he interrupted her.

"They are a part of you. That is what makes it so very easy to love them. I can't say it was easy when you first told me you were pregnant again and even less so when I learned it was Peter's, and the whole story of keeping it secret. But it has never made it harder to love Cat or care about any of your kids. How could it Alicia... they all have a part of you in them." She smiled at him as she felt a tear slide down her cheek, one he caught and brushed away before he pulled her into a sweet soft kiss. He pulled back a moment after:

"I love you." he told her tenderly once more before he lowered his mouth to hers once more so he could kiss her again. His lips met hers and his tongue swept along her bottom-lip begging for entrance to her hot cavern, she willingly gave him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her fingers starting to pull at his soft hair. His hands ran down her sides over the material of the shirt, down to the hem, and then up under it so he was touching her bare thighs. She moaned into the kiss and pushed herself closer against him, needing him badly all over.

She didn't feel the freezing air on her skin anymore as he had her against him, all she felt was the shivers of anticipation for their next move, for the next kiss ,the next touch. She hadn't realized until now how much she had missed having him like this, too. How much she had missed their insanely passionate sexual chemistry. She loved him with all of her heart and needed him in her life just as much, she hadn't realized how much until now, and that was her mistake. His hands crept up over her bottom squeezing it gently and pulling her further against him until he slid a hand down and lifted her thigh up, making her wrap her leg around him for support and grasp his shoulders tightly. He lifted her further up making her wrap both legs around him as he pressed her lightly against the cold wall of his balcony, while his intentions became clear to her. The air was freezing and he wanted to make love to her out here. She considered protesting, they really should go back inside they would freeze to death from this. Will broke the kiss and rested their foreheads together.

"Trust me Alicia... I will make sure you get warm again after..." He whispered and she could do nothing but nod. It was crazy, and thrilling, and something they sure hadn't done in the past. She trusted him with everything else at this point why shouldn't she trust him here. He pushed his sweatpants down somehow and got his shirt and her slip out of the way before he carefully entered her burning core with one swift move. She hadn't needed foreplay kissing him and hearing his love for her and her children voiced for the first time had been enough to have her soaking wet. She couldn't imagine a greater turn on than hearing that he loved not only her but her kids as well, cared for them and wanted to be a part of their lives.

He moved slowly in and out of her, the chilling air which probably held the first traces of snow, was a sharp contrast to the heat between them. Once during the affair he had spent hours teasing her with ice cubes on her burning skin, this was in some way similar and gave the same intense feeling. As he finally spilled himself inside her while she cried out in pleasure of her own orgasm she knew she had been smart when she had the doctor prescribe the birth control pill for her on her last post pregnancy check up and she had been careful with taking them. Will didn't put her down like she would have expected instead he kept his hold on her and carried her back inside again and into the bathroom. In the bathroom he carefully placed her on the counter while he went and turned on the water for the bathtub and poured soap into it, and found a couple of fluffy warm towels, before he turned to her.

"I promised to warm you up didn't I?" He offered her a hand to help her down from the counter. She took it and moved down and up to him kissing him softly before, pushing his socks off and slipping of his pink shirt and then her own black silk. Standing there naked before him she once more felt self conscious, her body really wasn't what it had been when he had seen her through the affair, stretch marks from pregnancy and the scar we visible on her abdomen.

She was glad she had at least gotten the beauty treatment a few days ago knowing he would appreciate it if they did sleep together, and it was the least when she already felt herself less attractive than normally, making sure she got her nails done as well as her legs and other body parts waxed was the least of it, even the small stinging pain of a Brazilian was worth it as she knew he would have eyes glowing with desire. Just like they were now, gliding over her naked frame making her want to cover up a bit more again as it was almost too much. Yet the love and desire shining in his eyes told her she had nothing to be ashamed of, that when he told her she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met he meant it. She smiled flirtingly at him as she stepped over and up into the bathtub, lowering herself into the warm water before moving a bit forward so he could get in behind her.

The warm water felt amazing while at the same time almost burning, making her skin sting. Her eyes stayed locked with Will's for a few seconds, before he pulled his clothes fully off and moved to join her in the water. Sliding in behind her and pulling her tight against his chest legs on each side of her as she pressed up against him. She rested her head on his bare chest placing a gentle kiss there.

"Is this working for warming you up again?" He asked her as he kissed the crown of her head, and she nodded.

"It is perfect." She closed her eyes and cuddled even more into him.

"Are you okay Alicia? Are you cold or hurt... I know it was a bit stupid and..." She didn't allow him to finish but moved up and placed a finger on his lips silencing and then kissing him before lowering herself back down into the warm water.

"It is perfect Will... all of it is perfect..." She whispered softly into his chest. His hand found hers and squeezed it.

"I love you..." He told her gently once more, making her realize she really couldn't get enough of hearing those words or saying them. It had taken them so many years of bad timing and finally it seemed to be the right timing and to be alright to share those words and feelings, and that made it feel liberating telling him those three words over and over. She looked up at him and returned them once more.

"I love you too..." He reached in and kissed her, this one being a promise of their shared future.

**Author's Note:**

> okay i hope you enjoyed chapter one! let me know the thoughts, and again happy birthday Sab!
> 
> (AN: Cat's birthday is in december but you won't get a christmas chapter next i am gonna save that for X-mas;-) but her birthday is then because of a time line already etablished in Every Road!)


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